


Trash

by RanowaOldStuff (Ranowa)



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Depression, Gen, Post-Fourth Shinobi War, Recovery, Suicidal Thoughts, originally published in 2013, so canon after 2013 is ignored here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-15
Updated: 2019-12-15
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:21:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21802093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ranowa/pseuds/RanowaOldStuff
Summary: Obito's dead, again. And he died as trash the second time. Kakashi can't deal with the fact that his friend is no longer considered the hero he still wants to believe him to be. He can't deal with a lot of things, actually.
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi & Uzumaki Naruto, Hatake Kakashi/Umino Iruka
Comments: 2
Kudos: 50





	Trash

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written in 2013 as my reaction to both Kakashi Gaiden and Tobi = Obito (I got on the Naruto train real late), just with a few gentle touch-ups. Obviously, canon after that point is ignored; my best guess is that we didn't even know what happened to Rin. I'm cross-posting lots of my old stuff from ffn at the moment as a backup, and I have some other Naruto fics I might want to carry over, so you'll probably see this pseud popping up for a bit. Carry on, enjoy however much you can! <3

When Kakashi first awoke, everything was too bright.

And then there was a blonde angel hovering over his head. She was saying something, he couldn't tell what, but her voice sounded like it was trying to be comforting, but that was okay, he was already nice and comfortable. An angel meant he was dead. He smiled.

But angels didn't have gigantic chests.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, a voice yelled at him that he was being stupid, and that wasn't an angel, that was Tsunade.

Oh. So he wasn't dead.

He stopped smiling.

"…and you'll be okay, now."

Oh, right, she was talking to him.

"Hey. Kakashi. Are you listening to me?"

He wondered vaguely why he should listen. He supposed it might be rude if he just ignored the Hokage, but he had never had a particular problem with snuffing authority. Well, once, he had, and then Obito had died and…

_Obito._

"Brat, stop spacing out. I know it's hard to focus right now, but I need you to at least listen to me for a few minutes."

Her voice still sounded just as gentle and concerned as before, and that was wrong, because usually, by this point, she would have hit him. So Kakashi made an effort to at least look like he was listening. Maybe if she thought he was paying attention, she would leave. But that was stupid. Why would she want him to pay attention just to watch her exit? Maybe she was going to stay longer.

It all didn't make any sense and it made his head hurt. That was okay. Pain told him he was awake and alive. But with the bitter taste that left in his mouth, he realized that may not be what he wanted.

"…coma for a week. You used Kamui too much. You've got stitches and a few other broken bones; so moving is a very bad idea until you've got some Chakra back."

He'd used Kamui too much. What a shock. He tried to open his Sharingan and found it resting behind bandages wrapped tightly around his head, and he tried to reach weakly up to touch them, but he could barely get his hand off the bed, and Tsunade knocked it down anyway the moment she saw what he was trying to do.

"Relax, kid. You're going to be here for a while; might as well get comfortable. …Kakashi, I'm forbidding you from using Mangekyou again. I'll give you an official order, when you're better, but I'm also telling you now. If you use it again, you will lose that eye."

Maybe that wouldn't be so bad.

Tsunade kept talking, drifting onto subjects other than his health. She told him that the Fourth Shinobi War was over, but that all the villages were still in negotiations to keep their alliances intact. He didn't really care too much about that. She told him that Naruto and Sakura were both alive and well, but that Sasuke died, and he did care a little about that that.

A heavy silence overtook them- Tsunade, really, because she was the only one talking- after she announced Sasuke's death. She shifted uncomfortably for several moments, as if she really didn't know what to say, and for Tsunade, that was a rare one. He stared at the ceiling, too tired to even try and feign interest in anything she wanted to say next.

Which appeared to be nothing. She finally turned and walked quietly for the door, which made him sigh. Alone at last. But then she stopped and turned back to him, and he wanted to growl.

"I know how much you hate it here, and normally I wouldn't give a damn. But… I'll try my best to get you home as soon as possible, okay? With that nice Iruka who hasn't left you alone since you got here." That was meant to be a vague hint that he had friends, he supposed. He didn't really care. About leaving the hospital early and he found himself thinking he couldn't about Iruka, either. He wondered why for a second then realized he already knew the answer.

Tsunade left. She left the door open for another, though. And he didn't want to see anyone else. But no matter how hard he thought at the door, telling it to shut itself and not let anyone else inside, it didn't stop Iruka from stepping inside, hair falling loose from its customary ponytail, his smile tentative and uncertain. It didn't really suit him. "Hey."

Kakashi didn't reply. He rolled his head back to stare at the ceiling. He just wanted to think. Couldn't he be afforded that one privilege?

He felt Iruka worm his hand into his. It felt very, very warm, and once upon a time, he would've appreciated that warmth, but now it just made him feel more alive.

"I guess you're too tired to say that much now, huh? You've… been out of it for a while."

Not too tired, no. He just didn't have anything to say.

Iruka fidgeted in his seat, looking a bit uncomfortable himself. Finally, the chuunin squeezed his hand and said quietly, "Why don't you try and get some rest? I'm sure you're still really tired. Don't worry, I won't leave."

That's what he was afraid of.

But Iruka was right; he was tired, and he couldn't stop his eye from closing. He had enough energy to ask one single question, and he did before, because this one, he had to know the answer to.

"Is… _his_ name… still…?"

Iruka didn't answer.

That told him all he needed to know.

Obito's name… gone from the memorial. No one cared anymore. He was nothing but a traitor.

_Obito, I'm sorry. I failed you again._

* * *

It was two days before Gai came to visit. The green beast of Konoha had been hospitalized, too, with injuries worse than his own; the only reason he was up and walking while Kakashi was not was because Chakra exhaustion took so long to recover from.

That, and he had no motivation to get better. Gai did.

Iruka left them alone to talk, though Kakashi had no intention of talking. It hurt his head to watch Gai bounce about the small white room, an energetic splash of color that moved too quickly and too loudly, like it was some kind of festive occasion that warranted excitement. He chattered on about Lee and the flowers of youth for a bit, then wept about Neji and such potential, gone, then exclaimed about Tenten and her exciting future as a possible ambassador between Leaf and Lightening. It was all too much for him to pretend to care about, so he lay there languidly, blinking lazily at the white ceiling and waiting for blessed silence to fall.

"Com'on, 'Kashi," Gai drawled when he had been silent and still for, what, ten? Twenty minutes? "Say something! You're just laying there, all... all white and mask and... -lazy! _Lazy!_ Where has your gone youth!"

Kakashi wanted to say that his youth died twenty four years ago with his father, but he didn't think Gai would appreciate that.

Gai pulled at his arm, trying to get him to at least move or sit upright. "Hey, now, don't mope about like you always… always do. You know, just because Obito went bat shit crazy doesn't-"

"Don't talk about him like that."

"Hm? You still worship him? Even after-"

"Shut up, Gai."

Gai flailed about a bit, still a ball of energy that made his head hurt, but Kakashi narrowed his eye in a glare in perhaps the most emotion he had felt since first waking up. It should have warned Gai to just shut up and leave, but he didn't take the hint. He never did.

"Kakashi, you can't still fall head over heels for someone who lost his mind and went about-"

"I said shut up."

"-whacking people off and starting wars and-"

"Shut _up._ "

"-and killings Kages and hunting Bijuu down like-"

"Shut _the fuck_ up!" His voice reached a hoarse yell as he sat upright in one swift movement, his hands balling into fists around the starched sheets. The sudden movement made his head spin and his vision swam so he was seeing two, no, three, Gais, green and orange wavering in front of his vision in a sickening swirl. He tried to talk to the real one and yelled, " _Stop_ talking about Obito. Stop talking like you knew him and it was his fault. Stop it or I swear that I will cut your fucking tongue out."

Gai's eyes widened like a lost puppy's before he gave an exaggerated wail, tears streaming down his cheeks. He gave an agonized cry of, "My rival!" before all the noise finally attracted some attention. Sakura hurried into the room and wound her arm around Gai's, trying to lead him to the door as she shot an apologetic look at an enraged Kakashi.

It wasn't until Sakura and Gai were both gone that it occurred to him that Gai hadn't been acting himself at all- something he should've realized with the first words he'd said about Obito, because it wasn't characteristic of him to swear like that. He'd been slurring with his words and his actions had been slowed and sluggish, and he realized that he'd just snapped on one of his only friends when they'd been high off medication and it hadn't been their fault.

He thought idly that he should go apologize.

He didn't.

* * *

It was on his third day that Iruka told him that Yamato was found. It took him a couple seconds to connect the dots and remember who Yamato was, and then even longer to remember that Tenzou had been missing since the beginning of the war.

He didn't have to ask for his condition. That, Iruka gave without making him ask.

It was bad.

Tenzou would live and probably be released soon- sooner than he would- but Tsunade and the others were saying he was tortured. His enemies had taken care to treat his wounds at first, as the only living being capable of using Wood Style that they could experiment on. But as White Zetsu grew stronger and closer and closer to being a true replica of the First, their treatment of Tenzou had fallen on the wayside.

Torture was never fun, and Kakashi couldn't imagine how Tenzou had felt, his cells, his body being used to find how to best slaughter the Allied Shinobi Forces. He'd been interrogated for information to help the White Zetsu impersonation operation be successful; forced to spell out personalities and quirks and habits of his friends to allow the clones to better infiltrate; Kakashi wouldn't have put it past Tenzou to blame himself for every single death the impersonation clones had caused.

According to Iruka, the ANBU had only uttered three words when he was rescued.

_Everyone, I'm sorry._

Kakashi found himself wanting to see Tenzou. Shizune, while cautioning him against staying on his feet for too long, asked if it was because he craved the distraction.

He didn't give her an answer, either.

When he stepped into his old friend's hospital room, he turned to see Tenzou lying on his side, his back to him. His disheveled brown hair was a bit longer than he was used to, reaching the nape of his neck, where Kakashi could see just the beginning of skin that was really far too pale before his back was obscured by the neck of his hospital gown. His left arm was in a sling and Kakashi could see a bandage on his cheek, but other than that, no injuries were visible.

He had learned long ago that that just meant most of the injuries were internal. Internal and painful as a broken heart; the kind of injuries would hurt for months and years, no matter how professionally Tsunade swore there was nothing wrong with him.

He wondered briefly if Obito had supervised his torture personally, and if Tenzou had suffered so much because Obito knew that he was friends with Rin's murderer.

"Yo."

Tenzou glanced dully up at him, and Kakashi would've liked to say his dark eyes brightened a bit when he saw who was standing in the doorway. He shifted painfully onto his back with a grunt but looked up at him with a small smile. "Kakashi-sempai."

"You're on leave from ANBU, Tenzou. I'm not your senior; I'm just Kakashi."

"Naruto and Sakura still call you sensei, and how long has it been since they were you students?" Tenzou's retort was just a little too annoyed, a little too cold, and Kakashi decided it would be wise to drop the subject. He simply shrugged lightly and sat down at the chair by his bedside, watching him warily. Tenzou made a valiant effort to sit up, but at his agonized expression and his low, pained cry, Kakashi reached forward and pushed a pillow up with one hand, helping Tenzou with the other.

He pretended not to notice when Tenzou flinched the moment his hand touched his back.

"You're looking worse for wear, Sempai," Tenzou muttered, looking him over. "Chakra exhaustion again?"

He shrugged again. "You know how it is." He found himself gesturing at the Sharingan, then biting his lip behind his mask and lowering his hand, which had frozen in the air. He didn't want to talk about his Sharingan. He didn't want to talk about any of that.

Tenzou nodded slightly. "You really overdid it this time, Sempai. …You got Madara? Tsunade told me the war was over, but didn't tell me how…"

Kakashi opened his mouth, then shut it again. Sooner or later, Tenzou would find out what had happened. He'd know everything; nothing he did would stop that inevitability. Besides, if he told Tenzou the truth, Tenzou would look at him with that same, sad look Iruka and Tsunade and Shizune and everyone else had. He didn't like that sad look. They shouldn't feel sorry for him; they should feel sorry for Obito.

So he nodded, saying gruffly, "Yeah. The war turned in our favor. Killed Madara. No more Tsuki no Me."

"Oh. That's good, then."

"Yeah."

And there were no sad looks, no pitying eyes, no poorly disguised stares at his bandaged Sharingan. Nothing but old friends talking. Tenzou avoided the topic of his torture, and Kakashi followed his lead. The conversation remained carefully light and calm, the two men talking of times long gone by, since the only news Kakashi had to give Tenzou was of the war. And Tenzou knew that, and neither wanted to discuss the war.

But as the determinedly light, meaningless talk continued, Kakashi started to feel slightly sick. It took him a long several moments of watching Tenzou for him to understand.

Everybody he cared for died. And he cared for Tenzou.

He should stop endangering people like that.

It was really a bit sad, because he had wanted to continue this nice, no-Obito discussion a bit longer. Sure, Iruka never- or almost never- brought him up, but he was always lurking in the corner as the snarling purple elephant in the room. With Tenzou it was nice because there was no snarling purple elephant, and he wanted to linger behind a little longer.

But Obito's taunting voice was getting louder and louder in his head, telling him Tenzou was going to die unless he left him alone, and he couldn't tell Obito no. Especially after he'd failed him so magnificently.

So he left with a soft goodbye and a promise to come back to see him. A promise that he didn't plan on ever fulfilling.

* * *

The book was a bright orange, a splash of color in the otherwise bland hospital room. _It was his favorite one of the series,_ he noted dryly.

Too bad he didn't like the series anymore.

Well, that wasn't strictly true. But to read an Icha Icha book, he had to look at the cover, and that meant he had to read the author's name. Besides, the books always made him feel like laughing. And now, not only did he not feel like laughing, he didn't _want_ to feel like laughing. He liked his boring room. He liked the moody, sullen atmosphere. He didn't like smiles and happiness and laughter; at least, not for him. It wasn't meant for trash like him.

He looked at the book anyway.

Jiraiya.

He would've loved to see the Five Great Nations forming an alliance, and he would've loved even more to see how it was being preserved after the war. But he couldn't, because he was dead.

When news had first come to him of the Sannin's death, the thought of blaming himself hadn't even crossed his mind. If the enemy had been too much for the Toad Sage, what business did the Copy Ninja have in the matter? He would've been slaughtered by Pain. He _had been_ slaughtered by Pain. And he knew, as well as anyone, that if he had been against Jiraiya leaving and tried to talk him out of it, nothing he'd said would have convinced him.

But now, it was impossible to not see how the lines connected.

Jiraiya was killed by the leader of Akatsuki.

The leader of Akatsuki was Obito.

_Kami, Obito was the leader of Akatsuki._

People really had to stop dying. People _he cared about r_ eally had to stop dying.

When Kakashi tucked the book into bed beside him and rolled over, Iruka's voice was a bit uncertain and hesitant. "Too tired to read?"

He didn't answer.

He was sure Iruka would panic if he told him he didn't want to read Icha Icha, anyway. Because apparently, he was so predictable that anything out of the ordinary was a sign of alarm.

It occurred to him that Tsunade probably would've put him on suicide watch if he announced that he didn't want to read Icha Icha, and it was only mildly disconcerting that this did not bother him.

* * *

"You want me to what?"

"Go home."

Kakashi didn't particularly like the hurt look that crossed Iruka's face, but then, he didn't particularly like a lot of things these days.

Iruka stared at him for a few seconds before he smiled to hide the hurt and nodded easily. "Okay. Okay, I'll go home. And be back tomorrow."

"I don't want you to come back tomorrow."

"Well, then I'll just come back the next day."

Kakashi glanced tiredly over at Iruka. The chuunin was clearly determined, eyes set and shoulders firm. Why couldn't Iruka just make this easy for him? "Iruka, I do not want you to come back. Go home."

Iruka shrugged, not swayed in the slightest by unwavering request. "Then I'll talk to Tsunade-sama and come back to pick you up when she releases you. I'll-"

"I'm trying to be clear. I want you to leave me alone. Go. I don't need or want you here."

And hurt flashed across his face again before he managed to regain his composure, but Kakashi could see how he really felt behind his blank expression. He watched as the chuunin slowly nodded, trying to mask his pain as he slowly stood, his hands clenched into fists as his side. "I, um… okay. I know you've got a lot on your mind right now. I'll go. And whenever you want me to come here again, I promise I'll be here, okay? I love you."

Kakashi knew Iruka wanted him to reply in kind. He didn't.

The chuunin leaned down to kiss him, and Kakashi flinched the moment his lips met his own. Iruka pretended not to notice.

* * *

It was three days after he'd sent Iruka home that he received a visitor that was able to do more than get him to mutter a taciturn request to be left alone.

Naruto's arrival was uncharacteristically quiet. The blond opened the door and stepped inside, hair a bit mussed, eyes downcast. Kakashi let his eye rove over to look him over in disinterest. Sasuke's death had clearly taken a toll on him. He wondered tiredly what Naruto wanted to talk to him about, then decided it didn't matter. Nothing mattered anymore.

"Hey."

Kakashi didn't turn to look at him, nor did he reply. Naruto was here for a reason, not idle chatter. And he had no interest in making small talk today.

"…I heard you were kinda sad, so I thought I should come cheer you up. Here."

Kakashi glanced up at him in time to see Naruto thrust a tiny potted plant into his hands. He blinked, looking down at the little flower before raising his gaze back up at him. "What is this?"

Naruto grinned sheepishly. "Mr. Ukki junior. Mr. Ukki senior's gone. …I guess plants don't last forever. But you seemed to like the first one, so I thought I'd get you another."

Kakashi stared down at the small green beginnings of a flower for a long second before he offered it back to Naruto. "Thank you, but you should keep it. As soon as I'm released, I'm leaving. And I don't think he'll live long if he comes with me."

"Leaving? As in moving? Mr. Ukki junior will grow fine anywhere you-"

"I'm leaving Konoha, Naruto."

Kakashi wasn't looking at Naruto, but he could still feel his former student's Chakra flare in first confusion, and then hurt. It shifted restlessly along with the boy, who numbly gripped the plant without saying a word, as if on autopilot. He knew the silence wouldn't last for long, so he enjoyed it while it did, all the while waiting for the storm.

Finally, Naruto stammered, "Y-you're _what?_ "

He shrugged. "I think… that it would be best for everyone."

"But… but what about Iruka-sensei?"

He shrugged again. "Iruka's… he'll find somebody else. He'll forget about me eventually and get the happiness he deserves with someone else."

Naruto's eyes darkened. "He doesn't want someone else, Sensei."

"He will. Give it time, and he will."

"You're being a selfish idiot."

Kakashi blinked in mild surprise. Naruto's voice was unexpectedly harsh, and when he managed to work up enough energy to care and raised his head, he saw that his former student was glaring at him.

"Mmm. Really."

Naruto's glare remained for a brief moment before his eyes softened, and his shoulder slumped. "Look, Gai-sensei told me everything. About… Obito, and Rin, and my dad. And yours. So I get that you're distracted and that you'd be a little weirder than usual. But that doesn't give you the excuse to hurt Iruka-sensei like that."

Kakashi grimaced. Gai had already told him off for that. Did he have to listen to Naruto do it, too? "Why are you here, Naruto?"

"Iruka-sensei's really sad, you know, and it's because of you. He won't even leave his house, and every time we go to talk to him, he only asks us about you."

"I just did what was best for him."

Naruto's glare returned with a vengeance. "What was _best_ for him? I don't much about relationships, Kakashi-sensei, but I think both people are supposed to have a say. And Iruka-sensei certainly doesn't agree with you."

Kakashi sighed quietly and shifted to stare blankly out the window. He wondered when Naruto would leave him to brood in peace.

When he didn't answer, Naruto tugged on his wrist, trying to get his attention. "Oi! I'm talking to you, Kakashi-sensei! Stop being such a brat."

"If Gai really did tell you all of that, then I don't have anything more to say to you. Please, leave."

"No."

"Leave, Naruto."

"I said no."

Kakashi gave an aggravated sigh. He wanted to think and sulk in peace. What was wrong with that? Why wouldn't Naruto just let him do that? "Look, Naruto-"

"I lost… someone important to me too, Sensei. But I'm not snubbing the people who care about me and hurting them and telling them to leave. I'm half your age, but you're the one acting like a kid."

Kakashi sighed again. Naruto just didn't get it. He just didn't, and if he kept talking, he was going to regret it. "Naruto, I told Iruka to leave because the people who care about me get hurt. It always happens. It's as simple as that. I failed them all, and I'm not going to fail Iruka, too."

"…That's bullshit. And now you're being an egotistical idiot, on top of being a selfish, immature brat."

"Insults aren't the best way to the heart, Naruto."

"Well, nothing else seems to work with you!"

Kakashi raised an eyebrow at Naruto'd oddly angry expression. He watched as the blond glared at him for another moment, then calmed himself down and scratched awkwardly at the back of his head, forcing himself to smile. "Look, I didn't come here to start a fight. I just wanted to talk with you."

"Fine. You've talked. Mission successful."

"No. _Not_ 'mission successful', because I haven't gotten through to you yet. You want space? Fine. But you don't get to send the people who care about you away and hurt them just for your own sake!"

"It's not for my sake. It's for theirs."

"That doesn't make any sense! Iruka-sensei's home depressed and miserable right now because he thinks he did something wrong and trying to figure out what he should say to you and you're up here all fine and normal- sounds selfish to _me!_ It's not for their sake, it's for _yours_ that you-"

"If you really believe that, then you didn't listen to a thing Gai told you. And it doesn't really matter to me what you believe, anyway, Naruto. Believe what you like about me."

Naruto didn't speak for a minute. He chewed on his lip, mulling over ideas in his head, clearly imagining the best way to get through to him. Kakashi watched him unhappily, wishing he would just go away. Didn't Naruto understand? There was no use trying to get through to him anymore. His mind was made up. He couldn't let himself get close to anyone ever again; not after… not after Obito. What had happened to Obito because of him.

It hadn't escaped him that, if Obito hadn't saved his life on that fateful mission so long ago, none of this would have happened.

Finally, Naruto spoke up again, his voice curiously understated. "Sensei… when we were fighting Obito, you told him that you were trash. You still believe that, don't you?"

Kakashi watched as the blond nodded energetically as if he had just struck gold when he didn't answer. He planted his hands on his hips and nodded firmly again before his mouth pulled into a frown. "'Ninja who betray their friends are trash'. You taught me that. But you didn't betray anybody. How can you think-"

"I failed him, Naruto. I failed Obito. And Rin, and your father. The kind of scum Obito had in mind when he first said that was me, and he wasn't wrong."

Naruto blinked, surprised. "You… you think you failed Obito?"

"…He made me swear to protect Rin. He made me promise. And I killed her. I put a Chidori through her heart. Obito lo… Obito cared a great deal for her, and when she died, he-"

"Enough!" Naruto's exclamation was shocked, and angry enough that Kakashi did fall silent, waiting to hear what he had to say. "Kakashi-sensei, Gai didn't tell me what went down between you and Rin, but he doesn't have to. I know that you would never hurt a teammate. I know you wouldn't kill her. And if Obito didn't understand that, too, then he wasn't really your friend."

Kakashi shook his head and averted his eye, slumping back against the hard pillow. Whatever Gai had told Naruto, it wasn't enough. "You haven't known me for very long, Naruto. I wasn't always the same person you know now. When Obito died- or, when we first thought he died… the me he remembered wouldn't have had a problem killing her. And that's not even the point, Naruto."

"Then what _is_ the point?!"

"Obito became what he did because of me. I failed him. I let Rin die and I didn't stop him from losing himself. I let him become what he did. Kami, he killed Sen- _your_ father. Do you know how many people died in this war?!"

"Stop it! This war wasn't because of you! What happened to Obito wasn't your fault!"

Kakashi had heard enough of that. He had heard enough of it the first time Minato told him that, when he had woken up in the field with a throbbing eye that wasn't his own and Rin crying and everything, everything was wrong and would never be right again. Gai and Iruka and Sarutobi and Rin and Minato, always telling him Obito's death wasn't his fault. Obito was the only one who had never contradicted him, every morning, at the Memorial Stone. Obito had never shaken his head when he apologized, Obito…

He had had enough of people telling him that what had happened to Obito wasn't his fault.

"Naruto, I want you to imagine Sasuke killing Sakura. I want you to imagine being forced to watch as he puts a Chidori through her heart. The man you trusted as a brother killing the woman that you loved, the woman that he _swore_ to protect. Everyone I love dies. I'm not strong enough to protect them, I wasn't strong enough to protect Obito, to stop him from losing himself. He gave me his eye to protect Rin, and I killed her."

Naruto groaned loudly in frustration and slammed his fist onto the hard mattress. "Kaka-sensei, I know you never kill a teammate, no matter what. This Rin person was clearly important to you and I'm sure you didn't mean to kill her."

He sighed. He didn't like people telling him that Rin's death wasn't his fault, either. It cheapened her death, by reducing it to something simple that couldn't possibly be attributed to anyone but the enemy ninja.

But _he_ had been responsible to keep her alive.

Of course, once Naruto had made up his mind, there was no changing it. And Kakashi still held out hope he could convince Naruto to leave him alone and do as he pleased, so he agreed silently to let the subject drop.

Kakashi shook his head and averted his eye again, unable to look the blond in the eye.

If he was going to get Naruto to leave him alone, he would have to tell him the truth, and spare nothing.

Because he wasn't leaving because of Rin.

"Naruto," he said quietly after a long moment passed in silence. "Everyone in this village is saying Obito was… was trash. Everyone in the Five Great Nations is saying it. And that's why I failed him. Obito, he told me I was trash the day I thought he died and the day he _did_ die, and he was right both times. I've failed, time and time again, to protect the people who are important to me. I can't stay and listen to them all talk about Obito like that when I'm the one who failed him. He's _not_ trash."

"…You're right."

Kakashi blinked. He glanced up in surprise to see Naruto standing beside him with a curious look in his eye; determined and firm, his mouth set, looking as if he had finally realized something important and was planning on sharing it with him.

He'd like it very much if Naruto just stopped.

"Obito wasn't trash. But I think Obito died the day Rin did, Kakashi-sensei. Obito was a hero, but Tobi… Tobi was trash."

The pain in his chest eased a little, to know that he wasn't the only one who knew the truth about Obito.

"Oh!" Naruto exclaimed, as if he had forgotten. "Yeah- and you're not trash, either, Kakashi-sensei."

Kakashi managed a smile. A small one, but it was still a smile, and Kakashi was sure Naruto viewed that as progress.

It was to Naruto's credit that he at first waited for him to answer and didn't barrel on through as usual, but Kakashi didn't have a thing to say. Naruto had just managed to put into words what how he still felt about Obito, after everything that had happened.

That didn't change a thing, though. Obito shouldn't have died at all.

"Ha. See! I told Tsunade-obaachan she was being stupid when she put you on suicide watch, but she didn't listen! She's too serious about everything. I knew you'd be fine."

Tsunade really had put him on suicide watch? That wasn't actually a surprise. 'Family history', he was sure she'd parrot at him if he bothered to ask, 'just a precaution'. He didn't care too much. But he was the Copy Ninja, the sharpest katana in Konoha's toolbox, the most formidable figurehead of them all, his name right up there with Naruto's when he heard nurses whispering about the war in the hall. Couldn't have the Copy Ninja going off the deep end and cutting his own throat.

He didn't want to be the Copy Ninja anymore. He had never liked it in the first place; being infamous for an eye that had come with too high a price and owing every single thing in his life to Obito. Now, after everything that had happened, the title was just wrong.

Apparently, letting his smile fade had been the wrong thing to do, because it made Naruto's fall as well. The blond's happy expression slipped at Kakashi's morose one and his eyes widened in shock. "Kakashi-sensei… you're not… you don't want to kill yourself, do you?"

"I don't have a reason to kill myself."

Naruto sighed in heavy relief, his shoulders slumping as the tension disappeared. It made Kakashi almost not wish to conclude the statement.

"I also don't have a reason not to kill myself."

He could almost feel the temperature in the room drop ten degrees. Kakashi fantasized for a moment about how nice it would be to be able to control the temperature while Naruto stared, horrified, and he decided that he should probably stop taking the pills Tsunade kept bringing him, because that was a rather odd thing to think about. He heard the blond breath in a sharp intake of air and take a small step back, and perhaps Naruto was finally about to leave, but then he moved forward and grabbed onto his wrist with an iron grip.

"K- Kaka-sensei…"

Kakashi raised an eyebrow and watched as Naruto's face fell, a solid depression overtaking his usually happy expression. His blue eyes went wide and he looked devastated. "Sensei, I…"

Kakashi sighed and shifted so he was gazing straight ahead, hoping for Naruto to get the message that he wanted to be left alone.

And then the blond's fist connected with his shoulder.

It wasn't a playful punch between friends; Naruto had put all his strength into the blow and he almost fell out of bed; he barely managed to mold what little Chakra he had when he caught onto the bed frame and hold himself in place, and it hurt enough to tell him that he would have a bruise later. Wincing and rubbing his arm, he looked over at the now furious blond, who was glaring at him as if he'd just done something horribly offensive.

"You selfish bastard!"

Kakashi rubbed his arm again. "Jeez, Naruto. That was-"

"How the hell can you talk like that?! What do you mean, you don't have a reason not to kill yourself?!"

"Naruto, look, I-"

"You can't kill yourself, Sensei! I won't let you! Take that as your reason! What about Iruka-sensei?! And Sakura-chan, and Gai, and _me!_ Why would you even want to kill yourself? You've got-"

"I have nothing, Naruto, nothing except regrets and ghosts from the past. There's no point."

"So then what are we to you?! We're your friends! We should mean enough to you!"

Kakashi tilted his head to the side and watched his former student unhappily. "Why do you care?" he asked mildly. "If I did die, it wouldn't matter. It's the next generation's time to take over. I'm done. Iruka would find someone else, someone who can protect him and wouldn't hurt him and make him happy. Obito's gone. He's dead and disgraced and he's not coming back. Rin's gone. Your father's gone. I don't know through what fluke it was that I survived, but I think it's high time the last remnant of Team Minato stop making mistakes and failing his friends."

"You bastard. I won't let you hurt yourself."

"Why? Was business is it of yours?"

Naruto grimaced and looked away, staring at the wall and seeming to struggle to maintain his emotions. For some reason, the innocent question had hit home. Kakashi watched, waiting for his answer.

The blond swallowed and spoke up finally, a dark look in his eyes. "I couldn't save Sasuke, in the end. He died fighting against the ten tails, but I was with him when he died. He cursed Konoha with his last breath. I never managed to save Sasuke from his hate. In a way, I failed in Sasuke in the same way you think you failed Obito. The only difference between us is that I knew about Sasuke and just wasn't able to help him; you didn't know what was happening to Obito. There was nothing you could've done. Well… the point is… I failed Sasuke. But I won't fail you, too. Because how can someone who can't even save one friend become Hokage?" He grinned again, an expression of hope, that if he could just find a way to hold on, things would get better. That this was going to get better.

Kakashi looked at the sunny blond, again being struck by just how much he looked like his father. Especially when he smiled.

He thought back to when he'd first discovered his father's body. Suicide hurt. It hurt the people left behind… he didn't want to hurt anyone that much. He didn't want to picture Naruto's- Minato's- face falling, those blue eyes filling with tears, the boy blaming himself. He didn't want to picture Naruto finding his body the way he had found his father's… so much blood, so much, his silver hair soaked with it, grey eyes staring blankly up at the ceiling in a deadened gaze, body cold, spirit gone…

When he smiled again, it was for Sakumo and Minato.

Naruto brightened considerably at the small smile that crinkled his eye. He held out his hand, offering it with a proposition. "Okay, Sensei, I'll make you a deal. You stay alive for me. For me, and Iruka-sensei, and Sakura-chan, and everybody else who would miss you if you died. You stay alive for _us_. You stay here, in Konoha, _home_ , with us. And, in turn, I'll make you see why life is worth living. I'll make you see that what happened to Obito wasn't because of you; I'll make you happy. And that's a promise."

Kakashi appraised the boy in front of him. He looked fully happy and confident, eyes clear, none of the uncertainty and grief he had imagined he would find there after he'd heard about Sasuke's death. It was a calm and sure look, his smile broad and refusing to fade this time, no matter what he said.

He looked just like Minato.

When he'd been younger, sure, his hair and his eyes were familiar, but there was nothing familiar about the overly energetic manner and ridiculously naive and overconfident proclamations he loved to exclaim. But, over the years, Kakashi had watched Naruto grow up and change. And now, only a few years younger than Minato had been when Kakahsi had first met him, he was indeed the spitting image of his father.

And he'd learned that Minato kept his promises, no matter what.

So he reached out and grabbed Naruto's offered hand, allowing the teen to shake it firmly. "It's a deal." Naruto's voice was just as solid as his grip and Kakashi was sure this promise, too, was one he would do anything to keep. The quiet moment hung in the air, serious and still, before the blond broke it. "Besides, Sensei. You have to be around to see me become Hokage. You told me I was the only ninja who could surpass my dad, so you have to be around to see it happen."

And as Kakashi looked at the child who'd grown past all the hate, the scathing looks and scornful glares of those who only saw him as the demon fox, who'd grown to become the one to _befriend_ Kurama, he knew that Naruto already had.

* * *

Tsunade made good on her promise to get him home early. At least a week before he should have been, he was walking out of the hospital, carrying with him a bottle of pain medication the Hokage had thrust upon him and her threats of what she would do if he didn't take it easy still echoing in his ears.

He was already on a mission. A mission entrusted to him by the boy who would become the sixth Hokage someday, so it was a mission of the utmost importance- failure was not an option.

He was to locate Umino Iruka, present him with a box of chocolates- Naruto had bought them himself, insisting that they were romantic and were a must have for this mission, and wouldn't take Kakashi's many embarrassed, vehement _no_ s for an answer- and beg him for forgiveness. And, if the situation permitted, steal a kiss.

Naruto had gone to the trouble of writing all this on an official mission scroll, to his horror, full of official mission language put in the form of romantic puns- the 'steal a kiss' part had nearly made Kakashi gag- but the blond was very enthusiastic about the entire affair, and so Kakashi was willing to go through with it.

But he had another mission to attend to first. A far more personal one.

He walked down the street, following a path that he had walked every day he was able for almost fifteen years. He walked until his destination was in sight, and then he paused.

He didn't want to see the blank spot where the name had once been.

His message could be given from here.

Clearing his throat, Kakashi straightened his back, drawing himself up to his full fight as he stared at the Memorial Stone. He felt Obito's eye give a familiar throb of pain as he looked automatically to where the name had once been carved into the rock.

"I'm sorry, Obito. I guess I won't be meeting you as soon as I thought. So, you, Rin, and Minato-sensei wait for me. …I'm sorry I couldn't help you when you were alive. But, I guess I should stop living my life in accordance with the dead. The living matter, too. I don't think I'll come talk with you as often as before. Don't worry, though. I won't forget about you. How could I? You've been a part of me since… since Madara took you. And someday, I'll talk to you again. Face to face, without any masks or leftover hatred. ...And that's a promise."

Kakashi turned and walked away.

He didn't look back.

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback is always welcome and appreciated!


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